Job 31:4 Does not he see my ways and number all my steps?
Interesting fact: The average person takes 7,500 steps and day and 216,262,500 steps in their lifetime. An average person, with an average stride, living to the age of 80 will walk about 108,131 miles. Have you lost count?
I spent several hours down at the Med Center in Houston. I entered through the Emergency Room at Ben Taub and encountered grieving families seemingly every where I turned. I passed a lady slumped over outside weeping, and trying to smoke a cigarette while crying into the phone. My heart tugged at me to not just walk past, but turn around and pray that I might be used by God to bring comfort. "Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted." Here's the story she shared.
She is a mother of 5 children and loves her husband. Last Monday he woke up early and talked her into riding their motorcycle to Galveston so they could watch the sunrise together. Then they could come back home and take the kids to IHOP for pancakes. "Things were going so good!" she wept. Then she woke up in a hospital in Lake Jackson only to find out her husband was in a coma downtown. "He was always my rock and there for me, now I don't have him when I need him most! He was such a good dad to my older kids that I don't know how to tell my younger two kids they may not even have a dad."
She was angry at God for the growing injustice in her mind, that he was a good man and didn't deserve this. Maybe her, but not him! She felt God wasn't listening to her pleas and that He was distant when she most needed Him. She sobbed, "What was a life of faith if He is of no help when you need Him most."
She blamed herself for not saying "No" to the early morning ride, like she had done so many times before. She also shared of all the people who had come by or called to offer support and told stories of all of the kind things her husband had done for them. Many things she didn't even know. She was left thinking she should have loved him more and not found as many opportunities to be less than a loving wife to him. She had avoided seeing her own children for a week and a half because she couldn't hold it together to be strong for them. She didn't even know what or how to tell her children the news of their father. She knew the family business needed attention also and that her kids needed her, but didn't feel she could help hold anyone else up. There was a mountain of grief, fear, regrets that engulfed her like a tsunami.
I was reminded of the quote that, "Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of Christ in the midst of the storm." All I could do is help carry her to the cross of Christ. I shared with her Job 31 and asked her what step number she was on. She had no idea. I told her that God knew even the number of steps she had taken in her life that led her right here. If He knew and cared about her to that level of detail, then He could be trusted when He tells her, "Step here and I will hold you up."
I asked her if she thought her husbands accident was a greater injustice than when God allowed Christ to die on the cross at the hands of evil men for our sins. She said, "no". I reminded her that we call that Friday, Good Friday, not Injustice Friday. She smiled and said a less strained breath, "Yeahhhhhh" I reminded her again that if God does love you and your children and your husband more perfectly than you do. If he even knows what step number each of you are on. The words in Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." That God can bring the very best good in her life, her kids life, and her husbands life. Their good and His glory! She sighed again able to breath a whole breath.
"But what do I tell my kids?" I encouraged her to unashamedly rely on, look to, and rest in Jesus, and even help her children to do the same. Rest in His goodness and in the fact He knows all your ways, even the step number each of us are one. The presence of Christ changed this lady right before my eyes. She was comforted by Christ, she was strengthened when she looked to Him. She did know the He loved her and her family, but needed reminding again. As hard as God's sovereignty is to comprehend in these moments, she also needed reminding that there is an absence of guilt for the shoulda, coulda, wouldas that come from the barrage of attacks by Satan when we rest in the sovereignty of God and His goodness and love for us.
Pray for this family that God would carry them through this storm knowing the presence of Christ and his lovingkindness in the midst of these difficult days ahead.
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