Wednesday, July 14, 2010

How did I get so far from the cross?

I wrote in my last blog that I was broken by the gospel. It seemed as a surprise to me that it would be what God would use to break me. I began to see that there is no pridefulness at the foot of the cross. Looking up at Jesus with his face bloodied, with the thorns beaten into his skull, with the wounds open on His back, with His hands and feet nailed to the cross, it is impossible to not be gripped by the fact He endured all of this for me. He not only did it for me, He actually received all of what I deserved, that I might receive what only He deserved..eternal life, fellowship with the father.

I was broken by the devastating effects of my sin that would lead Jesus to suffer this way to pay for my sin. I am convinced that if Jesus would of enabled his disciples to understand fully what He was doing on the cross, they would have pleaded with Him to not do this as they were not worthy! Even though the implication would mean that we would have to pay the consequence of our sin ourselves. There is not a person who would feel worthy to have Jesus suffer and die on the cross in their place, as the only person ever who didn't deserve death.

I became convicted by the Lord that I had traveled too far away from the cross is why I was not broken by the sight of Christ on the cross. As the reason why I was no longer broken by the gospel message that died to purchase my forgiveness of sins. If it was impossible to look at Him on the cross and remain unmoved by it, then I must not be looking "closely" to the cross.

I am left pondering the question, "How did I get away from the cross?" How did I travel away so far that the gospel message breaking my heart would come as a surprise? I think I can see where my tracks traveled. I became uncomfortable looking at the cross because it reminded me of my sinfulness and I took a step away. I wanted to believe that sin is a minor issue in my life that I had under control, and I took a step away. I believed I was a pretty good guy and needed to look to the deeper things of Christianity. Things that could satisfy a good guy like me wanting to "go deeper." Another step away. A few more times of judging others for not having it together as much as me...a couple more steps. It was my pridefulness that wanted to move away from the most humbling place in the world. Clinging to the cross with the blood of Jesus Christ pouring down and covering my sin and shame. That he was dieing even for the good works that I would do in my own strength seeking my own righteousness. That he became sin that I might in Christ become His righteousness.

2 Cor. 5:21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Grace opposes pride as it leaves no room for pride to stand, because you receive that which you don't deserve. But pride opposes grace as we seek to receive what we believe we deserve. It was my prideful steps that caused me to walk further away from the cross.

It is also not surprising that I have been in the middle of reading and studying the book, Humility: True Greatness by CJ Mahaney when I began the journey of taking steps back toward the cross as God has humbled me.

May our prayer be that God would lead us back to the cross. So close in fact that we would know that it is by His blood that our sins are forgiven. That we would feel the heaviness of the cross opposing the pridefulness in our hearts. That we would feel our hearts burning inside of us by the magnitude of what He has done for us. So close that the gospel would be on our lips when given a chance to speak. PTL, Amina!

Enjoy these songs by Matthew Smith that blessed me as I sought the Lord to bring me close to the cross.

<a href="">I Have Seen The Lord by Matthew Smith</a>

<a href="">Thy Blood Was Shed For Me by Matthew Smith</a>


  1. It is a slow fade from the cross. We become like the Jews in Romans 2:17-23. I substituted Christian for Jew and Word for the law.

    "But if you bear the name “Christian” and rely upon the Word and boast in God, and know His will and approve the things that are essential, being instructed out of the Word, and are confident that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, a corrector of the foolish, a teacher of the immature, having in the Word the embodiment of knowledge and of the truth, you therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? You who preach that one shall not steal, do you steal? you who say that one should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples You who boast in the Law, through your breaking the Law, do you dishonor God?

    Lord help me to return to the cross!!

  2. Thanks for sharing this...Lord, save us all! Philippians 2:12 "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling"
    We need you, Jesus, every second of every day. I love you guys and am so thankful God made us not only earthly family but even more so for uniting us as a forever family in Christ!
    Keep walking and shining His light! All glory to God!


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