I was reminded of the money changers in the temple that had their tables overturned by Christ. All that they knew and placed their confidence in was turned over and spilled out on the ground. It is funny how often people who travel to Uganda and other places to serve the Lord feel this way. Feel as though the Lord has overturned their cart and all of the things that they had been placing their trust in are dumped out on the ground. Only to return home with this feeling of being very exposed and almost a need to gather all of their items up again and place them back in the cart. For me seeing how God blew up my cart with the cross has left me feeling exposed and vulnerable and torn between part of me wanting to pick up the stuff on the ground and part of me not wanting to pick up anything but my cross and follow Christ. But taking up my cross means leaving all of the things that I do control lieing on the ground as I follow Christ. The grace of God draws me near and bids me come and die, that I may truly live.
Being broken by the cross to the point that it completely overwhelmed me. The magnitude of the grace that I was shown turned me inside out. It burned inside me to the point it caused me to ache because of what was done for me. To the point it felt as though I could not stand it any longer. Yet it is with joy I long to be set on fire again. It is like when we would play with grabbing an electric fence when we were kids. We would feel the electricity go through your entire body and you would not be able to control it. To feel the power of God pulsing through you, yet costing my ability to have control. It was painful, yet an exhilarating experience. I don't know if any of this makes sense to any one else, but I am trying to process something that I have struggled to make sense of and put into words. I have even found myself longing to relive that experience. There is part of me that desires to return to that experience, instead of the cross again. The experience is safer than the cross, because I lived through it. Yet I fight through this desire as well, and must just ask for God to draw me near to the cross again.
It is my prayer that Christ would be lifted up, that He would draw all men unto Himself. That men's hearts would be broken and set alive at the same time by the power of the cross. To the praise of the glory of His grace!
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What a powerful analogy. Thanks Scott for reminding me that my table has been turned. Pray that God would give me grace and the strength to walk away from all my "things" and run without hindrance towards Him!
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